My story of forgiveness. (Originally written May 18, 2021)

This past weekend I was fortunate to be able to attend a conference for business women with some powerful speakers. Cat Hoke spoke about forgiveness and the power you gain back in your life when you forgive others or more importantly forgive yourself.

People tell themselves "I just can't forgive what they did" " I can't pretend they didn't hurt me" "They don't deserve my forgiveness" "What they did is unforgivable"...

Here's the thing... there is only one person who is suffering from not being able to forgive and that's you. I know this all to well. As a mama, when your babies are hurt by someone in the most despicable ways, all you want is to hurt them to their core. I don't just mean a little like I mean in the worst ways possible.

You do everything possible within your legal rights hoping that justice will be served, and you can move on. But when the punishment doesn't even remotely fit the crime, you feel like the nightmare of it will never end. You go out into parking lots and scream and cry and don't know what to do with all the anger that fills your soul. You dream for weeks about how you can destroy the life of someone who hurt your babies so bad that you don't know if they will recover.

Your husband has supported you for two years through the most horrifying ordeal of your family's life. He has held you through the night as you sob because of the pain in your heart because you don't know how to help the people you love the most on this planet. The ones that have been hurt at a physical and emotional level beyond comprehension. He has been your rock but then one day when closure should have come but didn't, he says "How long are you going to let him control our lives?"

In that moment I was angry... again I went to an empty parking lot and screamed and cried and thought how am I ever going to "get over this". How are my kids ever going to get over this? But also, in that moment I heard the concern in my husband's voice. He had seen me change over those two years into someone we were both afraid for, if something didn't change. I was not proud of the person I had become.

I am not a religious person, but I came home and went outside on my deck, looked up to sky and asked "PLEASE How do I help my kids? How do I stop being so angry? " I was tired. I was scared. If I didn't keep fighting, what would my kids think? Did I some how not protect them? I know the fight and anger was probably my way of placing the blame as far away from me as possible. But in the quiet of that night, I knew the only way for me to truly move on was forgiveness. My soul needed it. My family needed it. It wasn't for him it was for me.

The movie The Shack came flooding into my mind if you haven't seen it, please do. It teaches the power of forgiveness in a way that everyone can understand. If he could forgive, I could too. On the deck that night I gave my pain away.

My life has taken a dramatic shift since then. I left my job and got still through yoga. I started to heal then I started looking for ways to support my kids healing. I learned about trauma responses and behavior. I know I'm not perfect, but I try to support everything my kids go through from a place of love. During my research I came across Hypnotherapy. I was amazed by the results people were having. The transformation that was possible.

My daughters were my why. They were my motivation and inspiration for the journey I have been on for the last 2 years. Today I am grateful for the tool I have been given to assist others in transforming their traumas. Day after day I see people release pain, anger, resentment, fear, guilt, shame and come to a place of acceptance and forgiveness for themselves and others.